Deep within, you know you’re doing No Contact to just improve yourself and get over this breakup; Still, your heart pounds, and you’re strained while asking yourself or even your friends: Does the No Contact work to get him back? But then, even if it does work to get him back, what’s the point to all of this? Honestly, it mostly depends on the length of your relationship, the type of your communication, and how your relationship came to an end. A man who was part of a long-term relationship will come back after No Contact wondering if you have someone new, missing you, or simply wondering if you’re able to live on your own: without him. But if a man was just dating you for a short period he comes back just because he is curious/wants to boost his ego/seeking if there is a second chance. He’s single, bored, and horny, why not?! Here are some signs to check if he will come back, before knowing the reasons why a man comes back after No Contact:
- He explains the reason for breaking up before No Contact; maybe he needs space or just some time to realize his position in your relationship;
- Suddenly you get the needed attention from him; The one that you have already lost for some time before the breakup;
- He still hangs out with your friends; Even if you keep the distance, he still finds a way to hang out with your friends and be near you;
- He acknowledges his mistakes; He admitted that the breakup was a product of the lack of interest and the urge to just shift things;
- He admits indirectly or directly that the breakup happened in the heat of the moment and not for a rational reason;
- Now he is slowly seeking your attention; He took you for granted but now he asks your friends about you or might even send you a text or two to ask if you are okay;
- Your absence and silence make him miss you. He admits to your mutual friends or posts on social media any type of material implying that he misses you. Here are 12 reasons that help in making the difference if he will ‘almost’ come back or come back for real after going distant:
1. He’s now the one to hit the rock bottom and miss you
Using No Contact to a dumper works like a boomerang. Now, he is the one that misses you after not having your attention and presence. If your ex was interested in you and had feelings about you – he will miss your presence and the trace you left in his life. He no longer has your undivided attention, and well, he no longer has you. Since he once took you for granted, he now considers reaching out to you (whether through friends or his family, even texting you) to fill the gap in his life that was made after the breakup. Doesn’t matter if he was a controlling partner, a toxic one, avoidant, or any other type: he’ll miss the closeness, the warmth of your attention, and love. He could be at a point in his life in which he needs an ego boost, he feels unloved, or lonely. And he just knows someone who once would do anything for him, so he’ll give it a try.
2. The distance and lack of attention make him want to chase you again
Men and women like to chase and be chased. The chase becomes more intense once the mission feels close to impossible, especially to men that represents a challenge, it’s magnetic to them. A man might come back to you after No Contact just because he sees you as a challenge that makes him feel like he needs to have you back. Even though this man might not have any strong feelings about you, he will pursue you to show his masculinity and reach his goal, at least he’ll try.
3. He comes back to show that he has outgrown his mistakes
You might ask: Do exes change? Yes, people change when they acknowledge and try to fix their issues. Make sure his “come back” to be a strong and reasonable one. Don’t fall into a trap when he comes back to fulfill his needs by making you a part of the on/off relationship! An emotionally strong man will come back to you after No Contact because he admits to himself and you that he has changed since the breakup. A man who lacked communication will show you that now he can communicate differently; the one that was afraid of commitment: will sacrifice for you, will try to understand your needs, will show a willingness to commit.
4. He is using you as his second choice: He feels he can always come back to you
If your ex-boyfriend wasn’t fully committed to your relationship and never put you first then he might come back after months of No Contact to find consolation from you. He comes back to you because: ~He felt lonely during holidays and needs someone to pass the time, ~Was short on money and you might be a quick save for him, ~ His other relationship after breaking up with you didn’t work and since his self-confidence is lower this time, he comes back so you can feel pity for him and maybe give him a second chance, ~He thinks that you can please him anytime that he wants.
5. He is not sure if he has made the greatest decision of his life by breaking up with you
Your ex often comes back to you if he’s not sure if he has made the right decision by breaking up with you. If he is that type who is unsure, insecure, or even in need of space to reconsider if he wants to settle down with you then the No Contact gives him just enough of that space to decide to come back. And he does come back. Note: If he mentioned that he needs this space before breaking up then don’t mention it to him immediately. If you want to go back to this relationship too then take it with small steps by turning a new page on this relationship.
6. He comes back because he couldn’t replace you
Most of the guys come back to their ex after they have dated a couple of women because none of them made him feel like you did. During this time he might have dated other girls to make you feel jealous or even tell you that he is a winner in this breakup. But, after using Radio Silence he comes back because he couldn’t find someone as suitable as you.
7. He wants to make sure that you’re missing him
The moment you’re not begging and pleading and boosting his ego to get him back, that’s the moment your ex wants to get back to make sure you’re missing him still. The moment you move on is the moment the breakup hits him. That is the moment that he thinks: Wait she didn’t even call me yet? Does she miss me? An immature man and a man of low self-esteem would go back into that relationship, even if he doesn’t have feelings anymore, just to have some type of comfort and validation.
8. He comes back only for a quick intimate moment: Hooking up is all that’s he’s thinking!
This sign screams: I just want to fulfill my needs and boost my ego because I’m horny (I might be a tad sad too, but that’s not the point)! He might come back but doesn’t want to talk about anything, not even your precious time and feelings involved in the relationship. All he wants is sex. Wham-bam thank you, ma’am! Simply vanishes, without an explanation or a second thought. The No Contact worked in getting him back because due to distance he has felt your absence but yet this type of man is weak and unstable and does not feel ready to involve feelings, hence he comes back to fulfill the sex need.
9. He thinks you’re easier to get
This type of guy would rather return to you after No Contact than to improve himself or get his needs fulfilled by other women, simply because he thinks you’re easier to get. That is all due to this idea that he has created about you: That you’ll always be there when he needs you and would never say no.
10. He notices that you have already moved on and are happy on your own
Moving on during No Contact has two different meanings. You might move on and date others after No Contact or you can just focus on yourself and improve how you are feeling and acting. Neither of those makes him feel needed, so he’ll take the chance to disrupt your peace. If your breakup was bad and there were dull reasons for getting back together then your ex-boyfriend will come back just to protect his pride because now he is aware that he has lost you for good.
11. He came to the conclusion that you’re the one
The space and distance benefitted him to think things through this time. It doesn’t matter if you had a huge or small fight but if there were still feelings for one another, this distance might help him to strengthen his feelings about you. Despite the fights, arguments, and distance he’ll find a way to let you know of his realization right after he comes back after No Contact:
Words;Behavior;Actions to prove you he’s willing to do anything.
12. He is jealous: Overzealous that you have started dating other people
If you have gotten over the breakup and started dating other people, that’s the moment an ex will have a hard time accepting that you started a new life. He decides to pop up, out of nowhere. The jealousy can be a product of him still having some faded feelings for you or that he doesn’t accept the fact that you are happy and moving on without him. This can also have to do with his self-image and self-perception. He wants to still be needed, and you moving on shows the opposite of that: he’s not needed anymore.
What to do if he comes back after no contact?
To know how to behave when your ex reaches out to you after No Contact is the way you perceive the relationship now and whether you want to go back to it.
- Be straightforward and honest. If you want to still keep the distance and you know that your feelings have changed then just be straightforward and don’t keep him hooked.
- Don’t rush to reply or meet. If he reaches out to you and apologizes for his previous issues and you still have feelings for him, don’t answer immediately without thinking it through. Take your time and ask yourself if that is worth the try. Write down the pros and cons of this relationship and how it has been affecting you. Is it worth it?
- Draw a line. If he has been dating other women during No Contact, now he is single and wants to get back. You should draw a line and have some boundaries. You need to let your ex-boyfriend know that after No Contact you have gained another point of view of this relationship. Let him know about it, draw the line.
- Show him that now you have raised your values. If he dumped you for a dumb reason and didn’t value you then when he comes back, you need to raise your values. And you raise your values by being distant and focusing on yourself while doing No Contact.
- Find a midway to have a fresh start. If both of you needed space to just come to your senses and have a clearer view of your relationship then don’t mention past issues. If you’re both willing to start the relationship from a fresh page, then you need to take action to overcome issues. That can be easily done by not repeating past mistakes, and reminding yourself what you’ve learned from them.
- Don’t be bitter and impolite. Even if your ex finds a way to meet you in person or call you and you still don’t want to go back, try to be considerate towards his feelings (read: not be blind to your needs but be cautious of something that might hurt him more.) You don’t have to have a full conversation and make it weird or even blame one another. Make it clear it’s over for you, but not be rude about it.
- Don’t rush it. If you want to go back to this relationship but your ex hasn’t claimed it, yet he just started to be interested in you again, then take it easy. If your ex is stubborn, emotionally unstable, or even an introvert then it takes some time to claim feelings and decisions, that is understandable. If you’re willing to be patient and save this relationship, then it can be done without rushing it and having a calm approach to the situation.
- Will No Contact make my ex move on or will he/she reach out to me? The No Contact rule won’t make your ex move on as much as begging and pleading can. By using No Contact you are not forcing yourself into winning the breakup. While you beg them to get back to you, you build their confidence and your ex becomes cold-hearted towards you. Whereas, silence will give your ex some space to somehow taste your absence and choose whether he or she will want to reach out to you after No Contact.
- Do they always come back after No Contact? You cannot say that they will always come back after using the No Contact Rule. That all depends on how you have been implementing the No Contact Rule, what type of relationship you had, what type of personality your ex has, how your relationship ended, etc.
- What is the success rate of no contact in getting an ex back? There is no set success rate of getting an ex back if you aren’t fully committed to this rule and avoid making mistakes during it. It is all dependent on your type of relationship, if you want this rule to work or if you are determined from the beginning to hate on your ex and then move on. These are some important details that have a huge impact on the success of using No Contact. Men do come back and in some cases, they choose to carry on with their lives and never look back. The same is applied to women. Because the rule works almost equally for both genders. Take care and choose what’s best for you, Callisto
