Do affairs feel like love? Yes, they can. Emotional or sexual affairs usually start casually, with no intention of them moving on to anything more. However, it’s a very thin line. Eventually, the flirtation and physical attraction can turn deeply emotional, which is when the problem starts. They may seem harmless, initially, but such affairs can wreak havoc on a marriage in which loyalty or fidelity is considered of utmost importance. People might get into it as a means of escape but there’s always a possibility of an affair turning into a deep emotional connection or love. It’s quite difficult to understand when that line is crossed, which is why we’re here to help you understand and gauge the signs an affair is turning into love.
How Do You Know If An Affair Is Turning Into True Love?
How did you know it’s love and not infatuation when it happened for the first time? The signs an affair is getting serious comprise pretty much the same emotions with a little twist. When you fell in love as a teenager, you went through all the warm and fuzzy feelings like the butterflies in the stomach, dreamily thinking about that person day and night, wanting to see them and talk to them, and being emotionally vulnerable with them. In the same way, you would know you have developed strong feelings for an affair partner only in a more mature way. Generally, a comparison between your spouse and affair partner sets in automatically, making it harder to decide whether it’s an affair fog or real love. You keep a mental checklist of whether this person can compensate for everything your spouse is lacking. But if it’s the real deal, you will go beyond that phase of tallying pros and cons and want this person holistically. Deep down you would know that it’s a breach of your spouse’s trust and that what you are doing is wrong. Then you meet your lover, hold them in your arms, and they make you feel so alive and good about yourself that you forget about the cheating guilt. You won’t care what others are thinking, all that matters is you and your new partner. And that passion is another name for love. Why do affairs feel like love? More often than not, it happens when there are signs your affair partner is falling for you too. There is nothing as beautiful as your feelings of love being reciprocated. Yes, we agree the statistics are not on your side, as only 3% of affair partners end up getting married. But there are some affairs that last for years. If it’s your reality and you are confident about how you feel for this person, hopefully, you will make the right decisions going forward.
12 Signs An Affair Is Turning Into Love
Do you think about the person or want to talk to them all the time? Do you often compare your affair partner to your spouse? Are you comfortable sharing intimate details about your life with this person? If the answer to all these questions is a resounding yes, then my friend, it’s a sign of you’re falling in love with your affair partner. Going through the “I had an affair and fell in love with her. What should I do?” dilemma? Or spending sleepless nights wondering, “I fell in love with the man I had an affair with. What does it mean for my marriage?” If you’re worried about the affair getting serious and hurting your married life, sit back and take stock of your feelings and actions. If you have decided to end an affair with someone you love for the sake of your marriage or end your marriage to be with the person you love, go ahead by all means. But if you’re still trying to process or understand your feelings for this other person in your life, allow us to help you. Here are 12 signs an affair is turning into love:
1. The person is always on your mind
Is it an affair fog or real love? If your affair partner is constantly on your mind, then romance is probably in the air. If you can’t get him/her out of your mind, if he/she is the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person on your mind when you go to sleep, then it’s a sign of an affair getting serious. You feel butterflies in your stomach when you think about this person. You always want to be with or talk to them. They take over your mind to an extent where you find it difficult to concentrate on anything else. To top it all, if these thoughts overshadow the feeling of guilt for having cheated on your spouse, it’s one of the biggest signs an affair is turning into love.
2. You’ve begun to draw comparisons between your spouse and this special person
Do you often compare this other person in your life to your spouse? If you do, it’s a sign of an affair getting serious. When you draw comparisons between your life partner and the person with whom you’re having an affair, you’re possibly looking at them as your better half or significant other. To be honest, it’s a recipe for disaster. If you’re wondering, “Does my husband love his affair partner?” or “Will my wife choose her affair partner over me?”, notice if your spouse has all of a sudden begun to see faults in you or blame you for everything that goes wrong. If that’s the case, you’re probably thinking right. Drawing comparisons is likely to create trouble or conflict in married life because your spouse is suddenly finding faults in you and idolizing this other person in their head. It’s a sign that they are developing strong feelings for an affair partner and ignoring or getting angry with you for not being as ‘good’ as them.
3. You spend more time with your affair partner than your spouse
Do you find yourself wanting to spend more time with this person? Do you enjoy their company more than your partner’s? Do you drop or cancel all your plans to meet them even if it is just for a couple of hours? If that’s the case, you might just want to sit back and think about the kind of relationship you share with your affair partner. One of the signs to observe to figure out if it’s an affair fog or real love is to notice how much time you spend with this other person and how much you enjoy their company. If you’re comfortable spending more time with them than your spouse, find or create excuses to meet them, or lie about your whereabouts to avoid spending time with your spouse, then the signs an affair is turning into love are written all over your complicated relationship dynamics.
4. You share personal details about your life with them
Do affairs feel like love? Well, if you’re comfortable sharing intimate details about your life with this other person, then probably yes. You are in love as it’s one of the undeniable signs an affair is getting serious. We usually become vulnerable or share intimate details about ourselves with people we trust and are closest to. If you’re opening up to your affair partner and are okay with the fact that they know the worst side of you, then it’s pretty clear whether it’s affair fog or real love. Is your affair partner the first person you want to share a life development or milestone with? Are they the first person you call if you’ve had a rough day? Have you shared your deepest, darkest secrets with them? If the answer is yes, then the relationship is probably taking a romantic turn. If you’ve shared things that you haven’t even mentioned to your spouse, then you’re already in trouble, my friend.
5. You fight with your spouse more than ever
Not sure if it’s an affair fog or real love? Well, here is a litmus test for you: if every conversation with your spouse turns into an argument, you’ve definitely crossed the line of infatuation or casual affair and landed on strong feelings for this person. It’s one of the major signs an affair is turning into love. You incessantly bickering with your spouse and saving the romantic gestures for your new mate could be the beginning of a lifelong extramarital affair. It goes without saying that when you are attracted to another person and they happen to make you really happy, coming back home to your spouse won’t be the highlight of your day. Since the home you share with your spouse is no longer your happy place, anything and everything they say or do is likely to irritate you. Your mind may be gripped with thoughts like, “S/he is the reason I can’t be with the person I love”, or “I’m ruining my life by staying in this marriage which is already finished”. Naturally, there will be an air of resentment and hurtful words all around your home and the spouse you once loved will become the villain in your story.
6. Signs an affair is turning into love: You are no longer conscious of how you look
It’s human nature to want to look your best in front of the person you love. You want to put your best foot forward and create a good impression. However, once you establish a deep connection with someone and start loving them for who they are and vice versa, physical appearances become secondary. One of the sure-shot signs of an affair getting serious is that you’re no longer as conscious of your appearance before you meet this special person as you used to be when you first started hooking up. Sure you may still put in the extra effort and time into dressing up before meeting your affair partner, but when you’re with them, you feel a lot more comfortable in your skin. If you aren’t afraid of letting them see you as you are and find them attractive in every state and from, it’s a sign you’ve fallen in love. Are you still asking, “Why do affairs feel like love?”
7. Intimacy with your partner decreases
Dwindling intimacy may have caused your spouse to wonder, “Does my husband love his affair partner?” Or perhaps, your husband is agonizing over, “Is my wife in love with another man?”, because you’ve turned cold toward his advances. Take a moment to introspect if your spouse’s suspicions are valid. If you find yourself drifting apart from your partner and getting closer to this other person in your life, know that the affair is taking a more serious and romantic turn. When you fall in love with your affair partner, your physical or emotional intimacy with your spouse starts to decrease. You talk to them less and spend less time with them because you’re busy concentrating on this special person. There are hardly any sexual encounters because you start to feel those desires for your affair partner. You don’t get physically intimate with your spouse anymore because you’re probably dreaming of the same with this other person in your life. Your focus completely shifts.
8. You share your marital frustrations with them
One of the sure-shot signs an affair is turning into love is when you begin to share your marital frustrations with this other person. It’s all sorts of inappropriate to discuss marriage problems with a romantic interest. But if that comes naturally to you, know that your affair is not just casual anymore. Sharing details about the arguments or fights you had with your spouse or negatively talking about him/her with your affair partner is unfair and disrespectful to both you and your spouse. However, if you find yourself sharing marital conflict or other personal issues with this other person, you’ve probably fallen in love.
9. You feel like they understand you the best
Do affairs feel like love? Well, if you feel like no one understands you better than your affair partner, it’s one of the common signs an affair is turning into love. You probably feel you’ve finally met someone who really gets you and knows you better than anyone else, including your spouse. You seem to have reached a point of deep emotional connection or understanding with them. Both of you share common interests and life goals, which makes this partnership unique. You feel like they understand your perspective or feelings better than your spouse. If that’s the case, you’re probably having an emotional affair with them.
10. You talk to each other at odd hours
Do you find yourself talking to your ‘friend’ at odd hours? Have the texts, calls, and emails turned into late-night conversations or spilled over to the wee hours of the morning? Has communication become more frequent? If that’s the case, then you’re probably right about your “I had an affair and fell in love with her (or him)” assumption. Your affair may have moved on to the next level and taken the form of love. This person is constantly on your mind, which is why you can’t help but find reasons to talk to him/her. This could create trouble in your married life since it’s crossed the threshold of a casual affair and turned into something serious. If one message or phone call from this person leaves you with a warm, fuzzy feeling or gives you butterflies, you’re in too deep.
11. You find it hard to concentrate when the other person is around
Finding it difficult to concentrate when your affair partner is around is quite common when you are attracted to or infatuated with someone. It can cloud your judgment or divert your attention toward this one person who seems to have spiced up your life. It’s normal to not be able to think about or do anything else in such a situation. You lose track of time when you are with them. You forget about all your troubles and worries for a while. You can’t stop thinking about them. You lose sleep and are desperate to see them again. It’s pretty much a repeat of what you felt like when you fell in love with your spouse. If it’s happening again, you know it’s one of the most common signs an affair is turning into love.
12. You begin to imagine a future with this person
One of the sure-shot signs an affair is turning into love is when you start fantasizing or thinking of a future with this special person. If you’re constantly thinking about what it would be like to live or get intimate with your affair partner, then you’re already too attached to them. You may even start planning to leave your marriage for the affair partner. If you and your affair partner have fallen for each other, it’s obvious that you would want to spend your life together. If you’ve already imagined a future with them, it means that you are in love. Instead of getting into one of those lifelong extramarital affairs, it makes sense that you call it quits with your current spouse before you begin a life with this special person.
can extramarital affairs be true love?
Before we answer that, let’s look back at the years-long extramarital affair of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles. Yes. The divorce and the unfortunate death of Princess Diana were certainly heart-breaking. But despite all the rough edges, Charles and Camilla stayed by each other’s side and got married in 2005. How do you explain that without exploring the domain of true love? You can say theirs was a happy accident, but love is ultimately the building block of any long affair. Statistics show that 10% of extramarital affairs last more than one day but less than a month, 50% last more than a month but less than a year, but 40% last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years and even fewer last longer than that. If there isn’t love and emotional connection in the equation, no relationship can last for that long. If yours has, it could be a clear indication that it’s not the thrill of the forbidden fruit or sexual excitement alone that has brought and kept you together. We’re no one to judge you if you’re having an extramarital affair but we hope you realize the risks and consequences involved, especially if there are children in the picture. You know your relationship best but know that the effects will be damaging to both you and your spouse. Infidelity is one of the toughest things to deal with in a marriage. We’ve all heard of lifelong extramarital affairs. We’ve read about some affairs that last for years. But you should know that you’ll always run the risk of getting caught and causing hurt to your partner you once loved. An effective way to deal with the situation is to have a proper conversation about it with your spouse. Whether you want to end an affair with someone you love or call it quits with your spouse because you fell in love with your affair partner, always keep lines of communication open. Tell your partner about the affair – it’s better if they come to know about it from you than somebody else. See a marriage counselor or therapist. They’ll be able to help you communicate your feelings to your partner and deal with the situation better. If you’re seeking help, Bonobology’s panel of licensed and experienced therapists is only a click away.
